Some years ago, a dignitary visited the then Pope. After the visit, he had a discussion with the Pope’s secretary. As the visitor was leaving, the secretary told him, “I love you and I like you”. These words caught my attention as I heard them for the first time. I found them interesting and very meaningful.
I am now retired from service [but preoccupied] and living together with my spouse, who also has retired from service and is engaged in activities that are also social. I have the time now to ponder and reflect on those valuable words, although they were not said by a husband or a wife.
What is Love?
According to Jesus, what is Love? In John 14: 15 Jesus says: “If you love me, you will keep my commandments”. This means, observing Jesus’ commandments, is equivalent to loving Jesus. [Other related verses are, Jn.13:35, Jn 14: 23-24 and Jn 15:10-11.]
The Oxford dictionary describes “love as, warm affection, attachment, liking or fondness, paternal benevolence {especially of God}, affectionate devotion…. So, from these descriptions, can’t we rightly infer, that, Jesus, in addition to we observing his commandments, desires from us a positive emotional disposition towards him? Jesus being God, what could be that emotion, which is most appropriate? I think, it is affectionate devotion when we pray and at other times, any other from the list given above.
Proof from the Bible.
In John 5:14- 15, Jesus said. “You are my friends if you do what I command you….” So, when a person observes Jesus’ commandments and follow His teachings, that person becomes a friend of Jesus. The dictionary meaning of the word ‘friend’ is, ‘one joined to another in intimacy and mutual benevolence independent of sexual or family love’.
So, Jesus’ invitation to us to be His friend, is not an expression of His ardent desire to have in us a feeling of attachment or liking towards Him? {Or any other positive emotion} So, love towards Jesus, is a combination of actions and emotions from me. At first, develop a liking towards Jesus. Kindly meditate and discern whether Jesus deserves my liking or not. You can also go to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and speak to Him your feelings towards him.
Because Jesus said: 1. Love one another as I have loved you, Jesus’ love had to be explained in detail in this article. 2. And because Jesus wants that I be his friend, should not I consider my spouse also as my friend? Since husband and wife are not two but one body, it follows that my spouse be my best friend and treat my spouse accordingly.
When do two persons become friends as per the definition already quoted here?
Stage – 1. Prior to becoming friends, they are just acquaintances.
Stage – 2. Frequent contacts make them to like each other. What caused this liking? Among the causes /reasons, one is, their ‘nature’ that gives rise to a particular type of attitude and behaviour. Examples are meekness, gentleness, sincerity in talk and behaviour and a helping attitude (i.e. mutual benevolence). Readiness to say sorry, to be apologetic, when the victim spouse points out the ‘hurt’ felt. Readiness to welcome and accept corrections / suggestions (mainly to avoid hardship and pain) when the other points out meekly and gently. God asks us to correct one another. (Mathew: 18:15). St. Paul also says to correct one another. Readiness to forgive the repentant / apologetic spouse. If the above detailed ‘behavioral science’ is implemented together with fervent prayers to lead a righteous living, and Jesus (preferably the Holy Trinity) as your first and the best friend, will not ‘liking’ /fondness towards each other keep growing? Husband will not cause unhappiness for wife through attitude, words and deeds. And the wife will not cause unhappiness for the husband. The result is wellbeing of body, mind and spirit for the couple.
To conclude, a suggestion: Towards the end of the day, let the couple sit together and after a short prayer (besides the family prayer like recitation of the Rosary together) first ask one self, whether I can say to my Spouse, “Today I loved you and I liked you”. If unable to say, have a discussion with due reverence to each other.
Marceline Rebello