IF A FRIEND OR A MEMBER OF THE FAMILY COMMITS AN OFFENCE:
- Is the victim obliged to forgive, if the Offender does not repent?
- If the victim forgives the unapologetic offender, should the victim say to the Offender, “I forgive you?”
Let us refer to LK. 17: 3 to 4.
“Be on your guard! If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive. And if the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, ‘I repent’, you must forgive.”
Jesus, in the above given instruction, reveals to us among other things:
- To rebuke or to protest (with an attitude of ‘love the sinner, hate the sin.’ This is implied)
- If the offender tells the victim that he/she repents, the victim ought to forgive the offender. If the offence and repentance occurs 7 times a day, the victim ought to forgive.
A question that arises here is, should the victim forgive the offender if the offender does not say, and ‘I repent’. Jesus has not given us an answer here. Let us also note here that Jesus has not said forgive only if the offender repents.
What does Jesus say to us in LK. 23: 32 to 34 ?
Verse 34 is written here. When on the Cross, Jesus said: “…… Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.” A valid inference that can be made here is, Jesus forgave his tormentors and he desired that his father also forgive them. Here, ‘forgave’ means, forgiveness is offered. An offer can be accepted or rejected by the receiver, because everyone has freedom / freewill. The sign of accepting forgiveness from God, is repentance / apology and conveying it to the victim. God also has freewill to accept or reject. Therefore during the Holy Mass, the priest prays thus “Pray my brethren, this Holy sacrifice, yours and mine, may be acceptable to God our loving Father”.
When Stephen was stoned to death, he also made a similar appeal. “Lord, do not hold this sin against them. (Acts 7.60)
Does not the example of Jesus, Stephen and the martyrs practiced reveal to us that the victim is required to forgive the offender from his/her heart, even if the offender does not repent ?
When forgiven, the Victim Experiences: 1) Peace & tranquility 2) Desires the wellbeing of the offender 3) Renders help when asked and any other…
Many of us are aware what Medical Science informs us. Un-forgiveness can cause in a person injurious emotions such as anger, resentment, hatred etc. that triggers illness of body, mind and spirit.
An Instruction from Jesus to the Unapologetic Offender and an implied message for the victim is found in Mt. 5. 23, 24.
“So, when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.”
When does the offender remember the offence committed?
The offender can remember the offence committed since the victim has already brought it to the notice of the offender (and the loss suffered if any.) The offender has not apologized and compensation is not paid, if required to be paid. Suppose the victim had told the unapologetic offender ‘I forgive you’, then, I think the offender will not feel the need to repent nor think for the need to pay compensation. Therefore the implied message for the victim is that, the victim ought not to say to the offender ‘I forgive you’.
Another implied message for the victim who has forgiven the offender from his/her heart is – to remind the offender by protests so that Jesus’ instruction ‘rebuke’ is observed through appropriate and gentle attitude, gesture and behavior when and where the victim comes in contact with the offender, so that:
- The spiritual growth of the offender may not be hampered.
- To prevent repetition of the offence or similar offences on the victims or on others.
- To overcome ego, dominating nature that causes not to say ‘I regret, please forgive me’.
Some persons feel humiliated to say ‘I repent, please forgive me’. They seem to have discovered substitute methods. Wait for months for the arrival of suitable occasions – Birthdays, festivals like Christmas, etc. Greetings and Gifts are offered. A valid question that arises here is, can repentance be postponed for the arrival of special occasions? Are we not taught to be ready any moment to appear before the Lord blameless? Can gifts substitute repentance? Is not repentance part of conversion? If the victim accepts bouquets or gifts, will not that amount to sacrificing values? Will not this act prevent repentance in the offender? Readers may kindly reflect & discern.
Jesus did not tell his tormentors, beginning with soldiers who scourged him at the Pillar, assaulted him in the prison, crowned him with thorns, mocked at him more than on one occasion, whipped him on the way to Calvary, hammered nails on his palms and feet, and who pierced his side, “I forgive you.”
An Appeal
- To spread awareness about the seriousness to be apologetic / repentant. I think, during sermon, retreats, when the Preacher speaks about ‘forgiveness’, emphasis also needs to be stressed to be apologetic / repentant, when an offence is committed.
- To receive joyfully, corrections / suggestions, that are valid and acceptable.
Let us remain alert to the two teachings known to many of us that are very relevant to this article:
- ‘Do not take anybody for granted’
- ‘Familiarity breeds contempt’.
Marceline Rebello